did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
