All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
