dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
