I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
