Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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