WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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