i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
