Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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