you guys were way drunker than both of me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
