Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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