Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
