Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
