Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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