im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
