Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
