Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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