It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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