ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
