Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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