is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
