i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
