In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
