he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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