Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
