I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
