you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
