I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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