i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
