I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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