he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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