His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
