my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
