We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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