He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
