I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
