glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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