I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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