you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
