Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize