I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
