So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
