i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you traded sex for a burrito?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
