just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Let's paint friendship bongs
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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