you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
