At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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