I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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