I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
