We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
