Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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