Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
