Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize