guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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