your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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