just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
