and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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