The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
