yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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