We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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