It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
