I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
