I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
