Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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