okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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