Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
