just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
