i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
