I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
